Midnight Blurps

Funny how with examination, priorities have shifted, with most allocating time only for the basics i.e prayers, eating, pooping and sleeping. A year ago, I knew that getting through 3rd year wouldn't exactly be a leisurely stroll in the park. I'm not complaining in any sense. In my opinion, this experience is truly a test of character. This certainly isn't for the fragile-hearted.

I hope that I won't lose sight of my goals along the way. Looking farther might be an incentive to some, but for me the short term goals are necessary to help me stay on track because sometimes, the future just seems a tad too far away. :S No doubt it will dawn upon us soon enough, but right now it isn't what I really need.

In all honesty, I am ashamed with the way I study. Cramming has proven effective in certain cases. But in most, its simply a recipe for disaster. I have tried studying consistently for the past 8 months but the phrase "the more you study, the more you realise you don't know" is undoubtedly and inconveniently true. Bahhhhhhhh. (not like ive been studying that hard anyway pun la -.-. sometimes, i do enough to simply get by. hmm)


I apologise for the incoherence but this noodle-head is simply posting up this crummy blog post to avoid memorising pages and pages and pages of drugs.

Exam Updates:
5 final papers this semester: Pat physiology, Pat anat, Pharmaco, Internal Disease andddd Gen Surgery.
Done with the two pathologies and I am extremely grateful to God for how things turned out :)
Now its time to channel the last bits of my energy towards Pharmacology and Internal Disease. Easier said than done because currently I'm running on an almost empty tank. Bahhhhhh. I honestly am dying for everything to be over and just sleep for 26 hours straight. And nurse my panda eyes. And start running again. And lose the exam spare tyre.

Okay, I've probably wasted enough time typing out something no one will ever read because I'm assuming I've lost all the readers once used to have (which is not many to begin with) due to the long period of inactivity T.T.

Blackbird and Monkey have been locked up indoors for the looooooooooooongest time I hope they haven't lost their profound love for beauty and light ;)

Till next time :) xxox

Lucky Charms

We keep it quiet, too often I think we might just disappear. 

I see me hiding my face in my hand, talking about faraway lands.

So today, sadness found it hard to make it through.

This happiness we're feeling, no one understands. 

Dear blog, 

Words cannot convey how the past few days have made me immensely happy. Therefore, I am obligated to post up horrible pictures of lmk just for the fun of it! :) 

I will make no mention of anniversaries, getting lost in the woods and expensive lunches in abandoned restaurants :) I will not make it known that the past two years has been nothing short of tears and heartbreak. But I will make it known however, that being with you has made me happier than I could've ever imagined.

Really :) 

*p.s there were no pretty photos since he insisted on making stupid faces. pffft -.-

April

Hey ho! Been feeling a little lost lately just because my schedules cleared up greatly since all the colloqs are over but it'll start again soon enough. Topography Anatomy was tiresome and I was surprised I passed considering I didn't even complete my paper let alone check it. Since my weekends are usually super occupied, my weekends strangely fall on Tuesdays and Wednesdays now. Hehe. So last night, I indulged myself in a few movies guiltlessly and woke up super late this morning -.-

Seemed like just yesterday people were tweeting about March and bingbangboom.. Its April. Time definitely isnt showing any signs of slowing down, ey? In a blink of an eye and already a third of 2011 came and left. Only a few months left till finals. Only a few months left till the end of third year. Only a few months left till summer holidays. Only a few months left till I get to satiate my need for yong tau foo. T.T

On a different note, happy 21st birthday to my LMK :) With both feet in the realm of adulthood, I wish you all the happiness in the world.

"You're 21. You are officially a man."


"Ya, I'm a big boy"


"You mean, a MAN?"


"No, I'm a big boy"

Lol. You may be mature in terms of digits but deep down, you're still the 19 year-old I'm familiar with :)

And to you, dear April:

Please don't disappoint me :)

*urgh that was so annoying. couldnt come up with a better excuse to post a picture of myself. a vainpot one summore -.- But yeah. mmhm.

Mad Hatter March

Two weeks of March have gone by and Spring was well on its way until the weather decided to turn its back on us and it started snowing yesterday. Again.

Another picture post just to make this place look pretty until I secure a stable internet connection and THEN only will I be able to blog properly. Life on EDGE is pushing me off the edge -.-

Pics from women's day lunch the other day :)

P.S Life often throws punches at you but today, it decided to kick me in the tooshie. All I can do is sit back, pray and watch God's plan unravel itself. 

kthxbai

Renewed Spirit

Countdown to final microbiology paper: 6 days. 

That is 6 days of me ceaselessly trying to cram bacteria, viruses, antibiotics etc into my tiny teeny head. At first the task seemed daunting and impossible. But intense introspection made me realise (not like I didn't already know this) that I am not here to find love, I am not here for fun, I am not here to shop, I am not here to sharpen my microwave culinary skills but I am here to get that MD for the benefit of many in the future.

Ok that's a whole load of cheese to last me 6 months but IT'S TRUE RIGHT?!

Every second spent on Tribal Wars is a  patient killed. Every minute spent online shopping is a law suit gained.

This kind of spirit hardly ever comes along, so I'm not going to waste my time any further.

Accio pens, paper and textbooks! We have work to do!

Life here in Moscow might be dull in the sense that books and classes centre our focus of priorities but the one thing its never short of is DRAMA. Granted, most students elsewhere face a different set of challenges but I dare say that none will come near the things WE have to deal with. 

Mom, I'm not here to scare you or anything but right now football fanaticism has snowballed into (in my opinion) a state of emergency (exaggerated. pause for effect) for those who are not blonde/blue-eyed. 

Pray hard. Work hard. Pray for us. For me. Sanks :) 

Dear MOM,

You are probably doing lapping the TTDI park pond at this moment and here I am, 

Wrapped in my blanket ruminating disorders of lipid metabolism.

That's me fake drinking non-existent coffee from an empty mug. Thought process: "Is it taking my picture or not? Oops, there it is."

Blanket covering mouth summore. -.- 

BYEBYE :) IMMA SLEEP NOW EVELIBADI!

Humdum

I pray for the strength to be able, and I pray for the power to be stable. 

This is a prayer for my soul. 

I pray for God's hands to wipe away my tears, I pray to survive these few labored years. 

This is a prayer for my soul. 

Despite my wandering feet and wandering mind, You were always there to pull me behind.

I pray to be whole and free, I pray to stop running away from me. 

I pray for hope of a brighter day, but I can only hope things will go my way. 

Dear God, inch me forwards towards my goal, 

This is, a prayer for my soul.

14/12 : Russian language colloq

15/12 : Patho Physiology colloq

15/12 : Microbe colloq

17/12 : Pharmaco colloq

22/12 : MICROBE MCQ FINALS

23/12 : Patho Anatomy colloq

11/01 : MICROBE FINALS

12/01 : Take taxi to Domodedovo ariport and proceed to Etihad counter for check in

13/01 : Home sweet home :)

Медленный снег

Slow Snow - Медленный снег (ART) from Andrey Stvolinsky on Vimeo.

Faint like a whisper's confession, its descent lifting all tension

Do you feel it? Its coming. 

p.s Video is love! Aptly depicts Russian winter.

Stress is in the eye of the beholder

Sometimes moments appear where I wish I could remember what it was like being 2 years old. To feel again what it was like when following your own agenda was the only option. When saying 'no' was actually okay. And when I actually did the things I wanted to do. When did all of that go away?! When did studies, responsibilities and everything else replace 'me' on the top of my list of priorities?

Often on my lonesome journeys to class and lectures there is always this overwhelming cry of 'shut up, shut up. shut up. stop. stop' Many times I almost fell prey these thoughts but somehow I've managed to pull through again and again. It seems like this year, everyone is on edge and our nerves are raw on end. It just seems like there are a million and one things to do and just a whole lot of people to please. Everyday, we ride the waves one by one (sometimes two at a go!) whether we ready or not. Some of us make it, some trip, some just.. go under.

Sometimes I would like to tell HIM, the silent one, the one who watches over us, please Sir can you just stop this tumble-dryer and get me out so I can catch my breath and relax for just a moment? The sanctuary of life has become nothing more than a zoo for the most of us. These struggles do not end here but will still remain prominent in our lives regardless of everything. Life is definitely on fast-forward and luckily I still have the sanity to hold back, reach out and hit 'pause' simply because time is going by too fast. Thankful I am for still having some remote part of me to tell myself to put my feet up once in a while when most have forgotten what it feels like to just.. relax.


Today just happens to be one of those not-so-typical days where I am able to just drop everything related to medicine and just plop myself on the bed with my laptop on my belly without worry, for a multitude of reasons. The reasons might have been simply employed to justify my laziness and disinclination to any form of activity but I think I'm going to get off my back on this one. :)

This is to a night full of nonsense talk and I shall now retire to my 'purple island' to remind myself that life is not completely devoid of choices. :)

Oh, and also not forgetting cold spoons and tea bags to nurse my angry eye-bags.

Time turns. And hearts burn.

I need the colloqs to stop. 

So that the stressing can stop. 

And then the stress pimples can go away. 

Thus the cortisol-induced junk eating will stop. 

And the bloatedness and fatness will go away. 

I need them to go away. 

I, need to get away. 

Explain the relationship between the numerical value of the dissociation constant and a drug's affinity

My answer: The higher the numerical value of dissociation constant (Kd) the lower is the drug's affinity towards a receptor. **Accompanied by extra explanation and graphs. 

Prof Bondarchok writes at the bottom of my paper in bright red: Explain the relationship between the numerical value of the dissociation constant and a drug's affinity!


Can I reply in green: Urh, HELLO REFER TO THE ABOVE?!

First snow

I know for a fact that most are upset that its snowing in the middle of October but seeing the trees outside my window covered in its white winter blanket just makes me happy :)

Mom, you can't see it here in this picture but ITS SNOWING OUTSIDE!

Since 1st year, my academic schedule has always allowed me to look forward to Fridays knowing that Saturday and Sunday will always be there for me to enjoy :) You have no idea how thankful I am to be able to sleep on Saturday mornings while others have to trudge the now horrible weather to class. Hurhurhur.

OH, btw my flowers are still very much alive.

I shall now retire to my little corner and layan my favourite band of surgeons and physicists :)

Useless post. But then again, all my posts are. Hurhurhur :)
And I'm pretty excited about winter! Change has to come eventually. Might as well embrace it ;)

Esmeralda

Let it be known that I used to be a very morning person but sadly, Russia has stripped me of that pleasure. So this morning, I had no choice but to skip shower -.- and my morning coffee and brave the horrible weather (SNOW? IN OCTOBER?) all the way to Barrikad for Pharmaco lecture. 

Prof Enikeeva, you are so sweet but your break-taking tendencies made me half an hour late for PatPhysiology which consequently made Prof Pirozhkov PO-ed and ended THAT class late as well. Then I had 30 minutes to rush all the way to Okhotniy Ryad for Microbe to find out that I was early. HAIH all that speed walking for nothing. Microbe was another disaster. The teacher gave the me the 'eyebrow' four separate times within 2 hours. -.- Supportive classmates I have. 

Things started to look up when the teacher ended class early today. Made my way home only to be pickpocket by a GYPSY for the fourth time. The train came and we were all waiting to enter the train. The doors opened and just as I was about to enter, I felt something and wahey! A big-eyed gypsy had her hand in the pocket of my bag. Didn't get anything coz there was nothing in the pocket. HAHA suck on that. My luck, I tell you..... Just when I chucked last week's episode behind me, another hits me today. What are the odds? -.- 

All in all.... today was a relatively challenging day therefore I am determined to start the next day well-rested. You know, just in case ;) 

Goodnight :)

There are too many things to do. Yet so little time and the amount of distractions - wow. 

Things to do this week:

Study and catch up with the rest.  

Focus dammit. 

Two sticks, Chopsticks!

With our schedules clearing up for the briefest time, quick dinner plans were made to celebrate Matthew's birthday. And also mine :) So after our Saturday lecture (which I skipped), the bunch of us congregated to the city for some catching up :)

Birthday boy!

With unagi and seaweed swimming in belly, permanent laughter lines and a pocketful of memories, I went home content :)

Happy birthday Matt!

Drama mama SOS

The lack of posts on this useless weblog has probably left you people thinking this and that.. Too busy with work? Too pressed for time nowadays with the new schedule? No internet? The truth is.....

Nope, that's about it.

I don't know why, but things are up to my neck nowadays be it regarding academia, personal relationships, physical appearance (weight-.-),  livelihood and just about everything else. Even my skin hates Russia right now with my stress being evident in the form of stubborn breakouts. Can't seem to get rid of it and it simply makes things worse. Urgh.

Retail therapy was a stress-relieving option last year but I can't say the same for this year thanks to the thrift and prudence I picked up from nowhere( I dont even take my wallet out when I leave the house ). Also, I think I need not stress the fact that I simply do not have the time. -.- Everyday I come home and collapse and have nightmares about my lessons and lectures the next day.

I have this sinking feeling like I am irreversibly stuck in an infinite loop. There is also no least objectable alternative I can hang on to to take me out of this rut. Ok fine, to be fair its not exactly a rut. I'm just not used to the idea of sitting down and studying like mad in order to SURVIVE classes the next day. Either that, or go to class blank, get humiliated by lecturer, feel insanely depressed and stupid after. And trust me, getting up from that is a hella lot of work.

Sidetrack: The metro lady pissed me off so badly this morning I accidentally cursed her right in her face with a myriad of adjectives one might use to anger an overweight middle-aged lady with a broomstick up her anus. I don't feel bad. Not at all, for I have done nothing for me to treat me the way she did. The person behind me in the line seemed to agree with me.

Also, MK is homeless and me being helpless is making me feel.. welll helpless. Excuse me because I have become quite proficient in stating the obvious. -.- ARGH. I can practically FEEL my brain rewiring itself into something immensely indecipherable and working unpredictably everything I am thinking/saying right now is coming out in an annoying, self-pitying, incoherent mess. Blerghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sidetrack: Another person is annoying me terribly and its not because I'm being irritable or anything because its still too early in my cycle for me to play the PMS card. Besides I've also conducted an 'experiment' confirming my suspicions that she is deliberately doing this to me on purpose. (Drama wth. Bite me) Also, I'm not the only one agitated by this person's attitude. I have a whole group of people who will back me up right now if I were to put the story up here. Muahahahahah but I'm in a pretty charitable mood right now so I shall spare this person the agony.


Only 5 weeks into 3rd year and I'm already wishing it was over. Clicking my heels together but WHERE IS THE DAMN CYCLONE THATS SUPPOSED TO TAKE ME HOME DAMMIT??

Help! gulp

Oh, but I still manage to do all of the above witha smile on my face. I'd own theatre I had the opportunity. Muahahahaha.

Time to sleeeeeep :) byebye

Why hello :)

Internet deprived. Help. *if anyone knows how to change my internet setting so I can receive ad-hoc from a windows laptop, room 408 yah. fankius. Here I've managed to hijack my housemate's computer before she comes back from the hospital so I shall update you real quick!! :

I've settled down :) Well, not like there was a lot to settle in the first place but once again, I'm back in routine and academia has taken precedence.Wake up, class, class, class, eat, class, class, come home, stone, stuff face, watch house, study, watch House M.D and sleep, sleep, sleep till the 7a.m alarm clock screams in my ear reminding me that I have to repeat all of the above for the next 18 hours. New subjects (for the benefit of mummy and daddy) : Pathologic Anatomy, Pathologic Physiology, Internal Disease, Pharmacology, General Surgery, History of Medicine(-.-) and Med Info, which is basically computer class where they teach you how to use Excel, Paint and Word. YES. WHAT CENTURY ARE YOU RUSSIANS LIVING IN?! I think in Malaysia, even babies know how to text wrap and format layouts. -.-

---------

On an entirely different note, 

Selamat Hari Raya! 

Maaf zahir dan batin :)

Twas a very good raya despite waking up late and missing solat  in the morning -.- Weather was unconvincing at first but it progressed as the day went by, resulting in yummy photos!

Though its hardly the same, spending raya without lemang, rendang lampong and the family :( Next year lah, okay?

Okayla, the housemates are back which means Ive got to go.... :( byebye for now.

BYE!

HIATUS

No, not from blogging but from 2ND YEAR MEDICINE and everything associated with it. Well, only until I start my attachment. Which is... soon. Oh well, I guess there's no running away from this thing -.-

Quick update:

Am done with finals! With acceptable results la. pfft. That just marks the end of my honeymoon year before hell begins next year upon the commencement of the new semester.

Will be flying home in less than 48 hours!!!!! Thats 4 episodes of Family Feud. Dear mom, please wait for me at the arrival hall with a bowl of penang laksa, thankyou.

So in my futile attempt to clear out the fridge before leaving, I became crazy at 1a.m. last night and started baking. Till 6 a.m. -.-

Cheesecake which didnt set -.-

Almond raisin white cake. Frosting was embarassing -.-

And chocolate brownies :)

Okaylah, I cheated with pictures. I promise you a more substantial post one of these days. 

Goodbye.

Insert appropriate title

Dear fellow classmates,

Tomorrow, we can kiss P wave, QRS complex, T upstroke window of vulnerability etc GOODBYE.

(for a summer break la, nyehe)