Curveball

Wrath, is not one of the most prevalent sin I own. Gluttony or greed is more my thing. However, it disturbs me to realise that anger has found me often these days. So much so, it has claimed me. Every thing I do or say lately has been laced with the bitter sting of hate.

Currently it shames me to say that I feel trapped, forced, disrespected, offended and afraid. I feel all of these things right now; I'm an angry girl it seems. Gluttony seems pleasant right now. This anger thing isn't as much fun.

I can't help it - it is more of a protective reflex against hurt rather than an entity by itself. I'm well aware of the fact that nothing good can come out of anger. I keep it all inside, suppressed until the day it finally rages, and let it all out. Sometimes at the wrong people, sometimes for all the wrong reasons. We are all liable for our own thoughts and actions, including emotions. For anger is something that can be sustained or swallowed, but when one can't, it comes out in dark, ugly colours. It isn't a pretty sight. It clouds my judgement and makes me do destructive things: it destroys moments, destroys memories and even destroys relationships with people whom I care so much for.

So much energy consumed feeding this anger. So much energy wasted. But the feeling after I get over the "I need to punch his/her face NAO NAO NAO" phase makes up for everything. Anger can only be sept under the rug for so long until there is no more space left under the rug to hide it. Now that I have to nowhere else to put it, I have no other option other than to wear it well whilst hoping it will eventually leave me.

After all, life awaits me.

In the event that anger persists and refuses to leave, this girl might just have to learn how to throw a good solid punch :)