Thursday, February 25, 2010

Anger, Danger, Stranger.

Warning: Excessive ranting in this post. Skip if you can't be bothered.

Good morning all. After a good nights sleep (i got all 8 hours!) I woke up to the sound of snow being ploughed and scraped off the sidewalks. Unpleasant? Not quite. It just reminds me that a new day has started, everyone up and about doing things they are supposed to do and I should probably be up doing the same thing.

So I sat on my bed, and started my morning ritual by shaking off the last bits of dormancy the best I could before going to the bathroom.

Minutes later I was at my desk, ready to get going on my physiology tasks when someone walked in slapped me a dose of unforeseen (unexpected? this person spews RUDE on a day to day basis) crudeness and incivility.

I obliged to the thing this person accused me of, nobody's perfect and I humbly admit to my mistakes - but the MANNER in which this person spoke to me..... ahh... just.... ticked. me. off.

 *toot toot toot*

Anger erupts in my life often and I recognise it with the widening of the eyes, the flaring of the nostrils in search of more oxygen, and also the tensing of muscles longing for action. Unfortunately, my anger usually impels me to act rashly in ways that I am certain I will regret, because I've reacted without knowing enough about a situation, without giving due weight to the possible consequences, and without pausing to assess the comparative value of other possible responses. In short, its self-sabotage.

So this time around, I simply shut my eyes, counted till 5 (sod. ba. ra... sod. ba. ra...) and gathered my composure  before turning around and return the volley whilst trying my very best to retain my voice at a rational decibel. I didn't bring up the fact that this person told me to do 'so and so' and 'SHUT UP', I just maintained the fact that you NEVER speak to people in such a brash manner. Urf.

After having said that, I guess its time to insert an apology somewhere.
I apologise if I have made you feel wronged and I apologise if I have made you feel misunderstood.

It had to be done anyway, sooner or later. Someone needed to tell you that the way you treat others resonates impertinence. I know that I am definitely not the only one with the same thought. All I am asking is for a tiny inkling of RESPECT from you. Not for me, but to everyone regardless of looks, colour (yes, this person is THAT kolot) and status.

I strongly believe in seeking understanding in others and not judging them and that in order to receive you must give. Those who look on my 'lack of maturity', liveliness etc. and consider me weak, as though they can speak to me or treat me in any way they feel at that moment, need to understand something. You do not know me.

You should know that I have sat through countless hours listening, writing, taking on my own shortcomings as well as yours. I have taken to my heart the task of making you feel secure, happy, comforted and free of judgment. I am not asking to be given the same as I give, but at the very least I should be given common decency and respect.

I have reached a point where I have learned that I can only do what I can do, I can only be accountable for my actions and feelings. I am determined to overcome this pettiness.

Above all, Thank you God for I am surrounded (selectively) by people in my life that lift me, encourage me and make me strong by the kindness and understanding they give to me daily. Not only they are kind, they encompass me towards You every single day. (The outcome however, is another matter on its own)

To conclude, somebody once said to me "Don't get angry, get even." You should also know that I have absolutely no desire for revenge, just the honest truth and a more comfortable life for all concerned.

All that, before 11.20 a.m.

Now, where's my coffee :)

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