Foul Fowl.

Dear Friends,

Please be informed that I have no liking whatsoever for feathered creatures. One very good example:

This pigeon is French. Not very toilet trained. English pigeons on the other hand, are too wussy. They just waddled away from me when I chased them in London. How uninteresting. It is fact, however that they are undoubtedly more well behaved then the RUSSIAN ones.

Soviet pigeons have absolutely no manners and discretion. Usually birds flutter around but bother you, they do not. So there was this one time, I got out of the Barrikadnaya metro station - which is LITTERED with pigeons and also people handing out flyers - and made my way to the Physio building about 5 minutes away when WHOOOOOOOSHH, a big fat mother of a pigeon landed on my head.

Reflex told me contract my facial muscles into the most hideous contortion one can ever imagine. I also, ashamedly, screamed loud enough for a couple of heads to turn around. Aiyak.

The bird, shocked at the decibel of my voice, and also realising that my cranium did not quite resemble a tree branch, fluttered away to regroup with the rest of the flock.

Bugger.

Leave me alone. akdjsfhaksdfh